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“When I Could Support a Wife, I No Longer Needed One”: The Practical Realities Behind Kant’s Philosophy of Marriage

Sat, May 23 2026 /Mpelembe Media/ — Philosopher Immanuel Kant defined marriage as a strictly legal and contractual relationship, specifically calling it “the union of two persons of different sexes for lifelong possession of each other’s sexual attributes”,. His views on this contract are heavily rooted in his moral philosophy and his deep skepticism regarding the nature of human sexuality.

The Moral Problem of Sexual Desire For Immanuel Kant, sexual desire inherently threatens human dignity because it is an appetite directed purely at another person’s sexual attributes, rather than at their humanity,,. He argued that raw sexual desire reduces human beings to biological instruments and objects of enjoyment, which violates his core ethical principle (the Formula of Humanity) that individuals must always be treated as ends in themselves, and never merely as a means to an end,,. Kant famously and harshly compared unmarital sexual possession to consuming a piece of fruit, noting that once the appetite is sated, the person is discarded “just as one throws away a lemon after sucking the juice from it”,.

The Contractual Solution: Reciprocal Ownership To resolve this inherent moral violation, Kant argued that sexual intercourse is morally permissible only within the legal framework of a marriage contract,. The moral legitimacy of this union relies entirely on the mechanism of contractual reciprocity.

In this legal agreement, spouses exchange rights of possession over each other, establishing what Kant called a “right to a person akin to a right to a thing”. Kant’s logic is that when one person surrenders their body and autonomy to another for enjoyment, they reduce themselves to a thing. However, because both partners simultaneously acquire the other person in their entirety, they each “reclaim” themselves and “restore their personality”,,. This mutual and equal exchange of rights preserves their moral dignity. The legal bond of ownership is so absolute that if one spouse runs away, the other is legally justified in bringing them back under their control “just as it is justified in retrieving a thing”,,.

Key Elements of the Marriage Contract

Strict Monogamy: Because the contract requires an equal and total exchange of personhood to maintain dignity, Kant argued that marriage must be strictly monogamous. In polygamous arrangements, a person gives themselves away entirely but only gains a fraction of their spouse in return, which degrades them to a mere object.

Procreation is Secondary: While Kant acknowledged procreation as a natural end, he insisted it is not the primary legal justification for the contract. If marriage were solely for procreation, he noted, the contract would logically dissolve once a couple could no longer have children.

Conjugal Cohabitation: The marriage contract is only truly completed through sexual union. A contract made with a secret understanding to abstain from sex, or with the prior knowledge of an incapacity for it, is a “simulated contract” that does not constitute a true marriage and can be dissolved.

Gender Dynamics and Legal Authority Despite the theoretical equality established by the mutual surrender of rights, Kant’s view of the marriage contract reflected the patriarchal legal structures of 18th-century Prussia. He endorsed the “natural superiority of the husband to the wife,” viewing the husband as the master who directs and the wife as the party who obeys. Under the law of his time, marriage represented a transition of guardianship where a woman passed from the custody of her father to the authority of her husband, prompting Kant to observe that “by marriage that woman becomes free: man loses his freedom by it”,. Nonetheless, he fiercely defended the legal contract of marriage as an essential protection, arguing that without it, women would be entirely degraded into mere tools for satisfying men’s desires.

The analysis weaves together Immanuel Kant’s strict ethical and legal philosophies with the fascinating, sometimes ironic, realities of his personal life. Here is a comprehensive summary of the core themes:

1. The Ethics of Sex and the Marriage Contract A major theme in Kant’s philosophy is the moral danger of human sexuality. Kant believed that raw sexual desire inherently objectifies individuals, reducing them to mere instruments for pleasure—a concept he famously illustrated with the analogy of discarding a person “like a lemon” once its juice is sucked out. To engage in sex without violating the Categorical Imperative—specifically the formulation to always treat humanity as an end in itself and never merely as a means—sex must be contained within a lifelong legal marriage contract. In this strictly monogamous union, both partners equally and totally surrender their rights and personhood to one another, thereby reclaiming their moral dignity through reciprocal ownership. Because of this strict requirement for equal exchange, Kant viewed casual sex, prostitution, and polygamy as morally impermissible.

2. Civic Self-Reliance and the Right to Work Kant’s political philosophy introduces the concept of “civic self-reliance” (Selbständigkeit), which he viewed as a foundational pillar of civil society alongside freedom and equality. To be truly self-reliant and an active citizen, a person must be able to sustain themselves through their own capacity to work, rather than depending on the arbitrary will of another. Modern scholars like Günther Schmid have expanded upon this Kantian ideal to advocate for a fundamental right to decent work and a European work-life insurance system. This proposed system relies on social insurance principles to protect workers against income risks throughout their entire lives—buffering economic crises and covering transitions like retraining or parental leave—thereby ensuring continuous autonomy and self-determination.

3. The Bachelor Philosopher: Routine, Social Life, and Irony Despite his extensive writings on the necessity of marriage, Kant remained a lifelong bachelor. He famously encapsulated the irony of his romantic life in the quote: “When I could have used a wife, I could not support one; and when I could support one, I no longer needed one”. This reflects the reality of his early financial struggles and his later immersion in a deeply structured academic life. Kant’s daily routine in Königsberg was legendary for its mechanical precision; he was awakened at 5:00 AM by his servant Martin Lampe, followed a strict schedule of writing and lecturing, and took a daily afternoon walk so punctual that neighbors could set their watches by him. However, contrary to the image of a dour hermit, Kant was highly sociable. He hosted elaborate dinner parties, dressed fashionably, and in his younger years, was known as a partygoer who sometimes drank too much wine and possessed a dry wit.